Friday, July 9, 2010

Dan Gilbert Needs to Shut the Fuck Up

Dan Gilbert, upon hearing the news that his meal ticket is leaving him, decides that he'll release a letter to Cleveland fans that is every bit as self-serving as the hour long ceremony held by the man he was criticizing.

So Gilbert, LeBron's actions are "narcissistic", "callous", and leaving Cleveland is "cowardly betrayal"? That's a fucking joke. Gilbert is acting like a thirteen year old girl who just got her boyfriend stolen from her by a girl in her class.

Now, an hour devoted to the one sentence out of LeBron's mouth that anyone actually gave a shit about was overboard. Narcissism isn't really a stretch, but lets analyze both LeBron and Gilbert's recent action for symptoms of narcissism as defined by the Mayo Clinic.

* Believing that you're better than others
LeBron: Check, he just had an hour devoted to his signing. No question. Gilbert, however, also gets a check for espousing his own talents and ability to keep the Cavaliers contending when they clearly don't have that talent (as represented by their success before LeBron).
* Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
LeBron: We'll give it a check, but I don't know if it's fantasizing. Gilbert: The Cavs are going to win a championship before a team with LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh? Delusions of Grandeur doesn't begin to describe it.
* Exaggerating your achievements or talents
LeBron: I can't find a direct exaggeration on Lebron's part, maybe what the time devoted to his signing represents? Too much of a stretch, no check for LeBron. Gilbert, on the other hand, well, you read above.
* Expecting constant praise and admiration
LeBron: Check. I don't know that, I'm just assuming. Not that he wouldn't be reasonable, but still, check. Gilbert: No indication of it. No check.
* Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
LeBron: Check. Gilbert: Check.
* Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
LeBron: No Check. Gilbert: No Check.
* Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
LeBron: He followed Wade's lead. No Check. Gilbert: Gets his panties in a bunch when LeBron steps out on his plans.
* Taking advantage of others
LeBron: No check. Gilbert: No check, he failed miserably in his attempt.
* Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
LeBron: No Check. Gilbert: Check, at least he feels LeBron is of inferior moral stature.
* Being jealous of others
No Check for both.
* Believing that others are jealous of you
No Check for both (unless someone can give me proof to the contrary.
* Trouble keeping healthy relationships
No Check for LeBron. Check for Gilbert. Couldn't keep his star happy.
* Setting unrealistic goals
* Being easily hurt and rejected
LeBron: No Check. Gilbert: Check. All you have to do is read the letter.
* Having a fragile self-esteem
No Check for either.
* Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
No Check for either because I've done more than enough to prove that Gilbert is more narcissistic than LeBron anyways.

Semantics about narcissism aside, the fact is this. LeBron played for the Cleveland Cavaliers for seven years. LeBron wants to be the best player ever, if he wants to do that he needs championships. He gave Cleveland seven years to give him support that he needs to build a championship, and their time was up. Now he has gone somewhere where they have the support he needs. He proved he's not selfish, he's getting paid less than he deserved and he's going to be less of a focal point than he was in Cleveland. The guy is a competitor who wants to win.

So, Dan Gilbert, shut the fuck up.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


In honor of Twilight's second movie based on the book book New Moon coming out in theaters, I will deign to talk about it in a blog post.

Twilight the book was about what you expect from the Genre. It had extremely poor writing, don't contest me on this. The writing made me want to find out where Stephanie Meyers lives, and throw a thesaurus through her window, and if that doesn't work I would come back and make her eat the fucking thing, because at least at some point there would be more than 10 different adjectives in her head. Noticing the repetition in a book happens, sometimes. I've read Ayn Rand, I know what repetition looks like. Stephanie Meyers takes it to a whole new level, except with complete inanities.

The plot (and note the distinction I make between plot and story) is an interesting one. But that may be the reason that it's been done since the beginning of fucking time. It's forbidden love, except she wants to bang a dead guy instead of the guy from the wrong side of the tracks. It's like taking Buffy the Vampire Slayer and removing every fucking thing remotely interesting from it.

Another glaring omission is any characterization in any way, shape or form. It's like any attempt to make the characters develop was actively avoided. There is no difference in personality between Bella or Edward between their first appearance and the last time they meet.

The only reason that people should not progress or we should not learn about characters as they go along is if they're perfect. Bella and Edward aren't. If I were a feminist I'd keep my fucking bra on and burn that book instead. You want girls to have more confidence and men to be less chauvinistic then quit fucking annoying the shit out of people and try and keep books like Twilight away from teenage girls so they don't learn to be a dependent fucking cunt like Bella, and so they don't idealize domineering dickwads like Edward. Don't know what I'm talking about? Go back and read the Twilight book. Edward doesn't make her let ANY decisions for herself until his fellow vampires force him to.

However, the new release isn't Twilight, it's New Moon. That only serves to make god damn SURE that this movie will be worse than the first one. See, the first Twilight book was awful, but still at least average for the genre. If I could go back and save the two hours of my life it took to read New Moon, I would probably spend it on something more productive and less painful like army crawling naked through a room of glass shards with acid dripping down off the ceiling. New Moon makes me rank Stephanie Meyers third on my list of people most likely able to inflict psychological trauma on me, the first two being Hannibal Lecter and Jigsaw.

You see, all that happens in New Moon is that some whiny bitch keeps acting like a whiny bitch. She's so miserable that she tries to kill herself and so fucking stupid that she fails. Combine that with a stupid kid who goes from being the friend zoned idiot who still loves the girl, to the asshole that still loves the girl and still can't get her, and that's ALL the book is. There is no action with which to make any sort of movie.

If you shut your mind off completely, the first and third books aren't torture. The second and fourth books are irredeemable. The Twilight movie was so bad that it almost caused me physical pain. New Moon is going to be even worse and still have a bunch of pre-teen, and sadly even college girls, screaming with joy. It takes a special level of stupid to like that disaster of cinema.

In conclusion, if you want to do our generation, nay, our world a favor, find a place where people are lined up in the rain to go see the opening Twilight showing. Then place a bright light or other distraction in the sky. You should be able to drown a fair number of them.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


In order to alienate everyone who may have possibly stumbled upon this blog at this point, I'm going to defend some of the most hated people in the world. The people who are successful. I'm not just talking about big business or any of that shit, although to some degree it applies across the board, a lot of businesses deserve the shit they get for reasons other than how successful they are. I'm talking about the Yankees, Patriots, and anyone else who some whiny little bitch has rooted against because they're "tired of them always winning."

This has come up for two reasons:
1) Now is everyone's favorite time to hate on the Yankees cause they're back near the top. Sitting anywhere around campus watching a TV is a great way to hear everyone bitch and moan about the Yanks and how they bought their team (incidentally, there's a special place in hell reserved for Red Sox fans who say this, seeing as their team's payroll is right up near the top of the list with the Yanks). Incidentally, every team in the playoffs but the Twins and the Rockies were high on the list for largest payroll. Now, that isn't to say all the teams bought their team. The Phillies have a number of major players who are homegrown and more power to them. However, the core of the Yankees team also has a fair number of players that were Yankees from the start, the most notable and long-standing of which are Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, and Jorge Posada. I have no reason to like the Yankees (other than to piss off the Red Sox fans but that's another blog post), but I can still admit that they're a group of players that is playing some of their most clutch ball now that it's crunch time, and you have to respect that.

2) Completely unrelated to the first point, and due to the fact that I haven't listened to any radio in months, I heard "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus for the first time the other day. Now I've heard a lot about Miley Cyrus, literally ALL of which was negative. Now, I'm nowhere near stupid enough to say that she's a good artist or that she deserves none of the criticism directed towards her, but I will say that the only reason the criticism of things other than her music is so vitriolic is because of how successful she is.

The dumbest of the criticisms, as far as I can tell, is calling her a slut over some semi-nude pics she took of herself. If every single gossip station and magazine wants to put that shit in the news cycle every time some pop diva has a pic of her wearing something slightly less revealing than a bikini then they can go ahead and do that, but it means the girl made a retarded lapse in judgment and is incredibly naive, not that she's a slut (also, to guys out there, what more do you want, it's an attractive* girl who has no inkling of a clue that you're not gonna call her). Based on my own past experience, getting a high school girl to show a little skin takes a little less effort than than breathing, and possibly a little more than keeping your heart beating. If you wanna flame the girl, flame her for being a shitty actress. Semi-nude pics are the first thing she's done that has appealed to a demographic that isn't pre-teen girls (the lowest common denominator of all fan bases, narrowly beating out emo kids [cheap shot I know] and hipsters).

On another note, where are the god damn new age feminists when there's something they can do to make their cause appealing to a demographic that isn't high strung college girls that can't get laid, and women over 50 whose tits are sagging because they burnt their bras back in the day. Somewhere in their attempt to move our culture away from calling girls sluts because sexual empowerment is a good thing, they've neglected to see how they can simultaneously appeal to a demographic of girls that aren't already marginalized because they look like no other social group wants them, and bring at least some of their ideas towards the main stream.

To bring all this back around toward what I was originally talking about, people hate people that are more successful than them. Sometimes it just fucking sucks that someone is more successful than you or your team for a reason that, in your infinite wisdom, you find invalid. Well suck it the fuck up and quit bitching about it. That shit's just petty.

*Miley is a pretty good looking girl, but her face is a little on the round side for my personal taste. I'm going to say a 7.5 out of ten.

First Post

This is my blog about whatever the fuck I want to write about. My name is in poorly translated Greek because I figure I might as well get some use out of the courses I'm taking in college. If you take the time to figure out what it means, more power to you.

Once it's not late at night I'll actually take the time to post something.